Be Kind in Thought

Water crystals change from beautiful to distorted based on what is communicated with thoughts and words according to the work of Masaru Emoto. So what does our limiting self talk do to us and what could shift with a little appreciation?

"Be kind to yourself, and your mind will become kind as well. That's how it works." Adyashanti

From Dysfunction to Cohesiveness

If you want to cultivate team excellence, where do you start?

Patrick Lencioni has recently renamed the 5 Dysfunctions of a Team to the 5 Behaviors of a Cohesive Team. It is more than semantics because teams that operate as a unified, synergistic whole do outperform those that don't. And what we put our attention on grows!

Begin by considering 5 fundamental areas of influence. Does your team:

• Trust in a transparent, honest and vulnerable manner?
• Engage in unfiltered dialogue around ideas and different perspectives? 
• Commit to and align fully with decisions (even when they disagree)?
• Hold each other accountable to team agreements?
• Deliver quality results on time and in budget with enthusiasm?

We've found that high levels of trust, conflict competence, commitment, accountability and results-orientation do in fact contribute to team excellence if we focus on what we do want (cohesion) instead of what we don't (dysfunction).

What are you listening for?

Have you ever considered the purpose of your communication?

When you ask questions, is it to tell people what they want to hear, to debate or show how smart you are, to reflect back what you are hearing or to illuminate our knowingness?

And what are you listening for? Is it to be liked, to identify facts and differences, to understand the experience of another or to allow a deeper wisdom to reveal itself?

Notice the difference in your relationships and results when you download, debate, dialogue or delve deep. For more check out Otto Schwarmer's work at MIT.

Polarity Management

Competitive advantage requires polarity management. As leaders, we are constantly faced with figuring out ways to reconcile seemingly opposing forces. How do we get the #'s and care about people, think globally and act locally, lead and manage, achieve quality and reduce cost, be environmentally responsible and make money? As we are able to see polarities as "both/and" instead of "either/or" new strategies will arise.

According to Barry Johnson, "Polarities have 2 or more right answers that are interdependent." He also states, "because virtually all of our 'problems' in formal education have one right answer, we automatically shift into that way of thinking when a 'problem' occurs at work." When addressing a polarity this actually makes the issue worse because it can't be solved so it becomes a no-win proposition.

Polarity Management invites us to "capitalize on the inherent tension between seemingly opposing forces." We need both activity and rest, individuals and teams, introversion and extroversion, productivity and engagement, centralization and decentralization, masculine and feminine, safety and speed, inhalation and exhalation, stability and change, right brain and left brain to thrive. To focus on one polarity at the expense of another actually swings an invisible pendulum back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and so depletes energy, time and money.

To experiment with this concept go for a "figure eight" that is considers both sides:

1. Name an issue you are wrestling with. 
2. Why is it important to balance this polarity and what is the worry if you don't?
3. Identify the up and down side of each polarity.
4. List 2-3 actions to leverage the plus side of both and red flags to raise awareness when you are dipping into the negative of each.

Past, Present and Probable Future?

Found these 3 inquiries in Rob Brezsny's astrology quips and thought you'd have fun with them. Consider your life, your leadership or a relationship and ask:

1. What fossilized fixations, ancient insults, impossible dreams and parasitic ghosts am I ready to let go of?
2. What can I do to ensure that relaxed, amused acceptance will rule my encounters with the old ways forever after?
3. What will I do with all the energy I free up by releasing the dead weight I had been clinging to?

Mindset Intervention

Great article in the Times Who Gets to Graduate? citing that 40% of the students that get to college don't graduate and often those that do graduate come from affluent families. Why?

It's not about money but mindset. One finding from Laude and Yeager is that many students from less wealthy families interpret and internalize setbacks (poor grade on a test, argument with roommate, someone being mean, etc.) very differently than their counterparts. Plus when doubts about capability and belonging are reinforced at home, these students struggle even more.

Mindset interventions influence graduation rates and student well being. A mindset intervention doesn't necessarily change a core belief but it can change the meaning of a discouraging event from a permanent setback to a temporary one! It also builds resilience which is needed in any endeavor of merit.

Experiment with this idea. Think of a goal you are struggling with and ask:

What do I believe about my ability to fulfill my dream?

What skills do I need to succeed?

Who supports me as I pursue my new endeavor?

What self-talk is helping or hindering my progress?

How can I get my sense of humor back?

Do I need to eat some humble pie and move on?

What messages am I attending to?

What would I do if failure wasn't an option?

Staying Clean Amidst Change

Change can bring out our best or our worst. When we are leaving a position, struggling with a new leader, managing a conflict or wrestling with a decision beyond our influence, how do we do the right thing when we don't feel like it? When our emotions are triggered and all over the board, how can we stay integral, get our needs met and not "burn any bridges?" 

Staying clean means managing our own emotional reactions without burdening or slandering others. It is the height of emotional intelligence. 

To stay clean amidst change, experiment with these ideas:

• Whether you are right or not, interact with compassion
• Bring love versus malice 
• Name/claim what is going on for you without projecting it on others
• Seek to resolve creatively rather than reactively
• Define reality (including constraints) and make choices that benefit all 
• Manage your own emotional reactions productively and don’t collude with others about the situation 
• Focus on what you can influence
• Share what is going on with you so others don't take it personally
• Do your job well
• Avoid the tendency to gossip, complain, or defend
• Meet challenge from a neutral or centered place
• Name what you are feeling and seek to resolve without blame
• Focus on lessons learned instead of mistakes
• Don’t take sides or expect others to do so either
• Breathe deeply, pause

If you can look your adversary (or those involved) in the eye AND face yourself in the mirror, you are clear, clean and will sleep better too!