Seeing with Fresh Eyes

Many leaders find it helpful to end each day in gratitude by writing down what they are thankful for. Over time, this practice shifts attention to what is working (vs. what isn't), what is accomplished (vs. not) and how precious life is (vs. isn't). Rachel Remen in her book "My Grandfather's Blessings" suggests 3 questions to experience life with fresh eyes:

1. What surprised me today?
2. What moved me or touched me today?
3. What inspired me today?

Try it each night for a month and notice what happens to how you sleep, wake up, move through your to do list, interact with others and evaluate your impact. You may find your work is filled with more meaning and humanity than you realized!

For more info check out: Rachel Remen

DISC stressors and triggers

It is said that our greatest strength can be a blessing and a curse. At our best we are choosing the optimal strength for a given situation. Using DISC as a lens, we can apply direct, influencing, steady or conscientious action to achieve a desired result. During challenging times however, something changes in our inner world so a strength may express in an extreme or opposing manner.

When we are triggered by a situation, person or experience our emotional body is no longer being guided by our higher self and so we behave in seemingly confusing ways. Normal stress behaviors such as autocratic (for the D), attack (for the I), acquiesce (for the S) or avoid (for the C) don't provide the relief we seek and so we may apply a more dramatic strategy. We no longer care about our long-term desired result but are focused blindly on self-protection or preservation.

The D who is normally decisive and bold may move beyond the "normal" stress behavior of overbearing and exhibit the S's passive/aggressive tendency. The I who is wants to be involved may not attack but instead clam up like the C stressor tendency. The S who desires harmony may become agressive like the D under stress and the C who values respect and expertise may lash out like the I in stress. It seems that the stronger the trigger, the greater the opposing preference or reaction.

If we recognize that when we are triggered, we are actually in an altered or unconscious state (and in that moment are not able to recognize what is going on or what we really need) we can rely on awareness, understanding and humble pie to get back to center where answers are available and everything is possible.

Thanks to Lyndee for this insight!

Be Kind in Thought

Water crystals change from beautiful to distorted based on what is communicated with thoughts and words according to the work of Masaru Emoto. So what does our limiting self talk do to us and what could shift with a little appreciation?

"Be kind to yourself, and your mind will become kind as well. That's how it works." Adyashanti

What are you listening for?

Have you ever considered the purpose of your communication?

When you ask questions, is it to tell people what they want to hear, to debate or show how smart you are, to reflect back what you are hearing or to illuminate our knowingness?

And what are you listening for? Is it to be liked, to identify facts and differences, to understand the experience of another or to allow a deeper wisdom to reveal itself?

Notice the difference in your relationships and results when you download, debate, dialogue or delve deep. For more check out Otto Schwarmer's work at MIT.

Tune In

Some people argue with the idea that 80% of communication is non-verbal. I wonder if it's because we define body language as what we can observe like rolling eyes, crossed arms, a smile or the disconnect between what someone says and does. What if it includes what we think too?

Our thought bubbles broadcast information. Like a key that beams an invisible code to unlock a car door, how we think is a signal that influences relationships and outcomes.

For example, if I think you are stupid and give you a compliment you will most likely receive a message of incompetence and wonder why you don't feel empowered in my presence. If I believe I am better than you my arrogance will probably diminish your willingness to collaborate and innovate. If however, I assume positive intent and respect you'll more likely tell me what's really going on (vs. what you think I want to hear). If I know you are creative and resourceful, you'll express your best and resolve problems more quickly.

Energy follows thought, so it behooves us to be more aware of what our minds are transmitting and the degree to which our thoughts are aligned with desired results.

Start by tuning into your own beliefs, assumptions, expectations, interpretations and stories and notice how they influence the results you are getting. Then consider the degree to which your thinking is aligned with what you really want.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Communication is a key indicator of high performance on teams. If you have the courage to say what needs to be said in service to a team goal or agreement, take the time to verify your communication. Was what you verbalized heard? Was the meaning of your words captured? Did the receiver pick up the entire message?

Listening is different than hearing so it's important to check for understanding. Try the following and notice what happens with your impact at work:

• May I check my communication...? 
• What did you hear me say?
• Just so we are aligned, may I check out what you interpreted?"
• To help me be sure I communicated clearly would you let me know what you heard?
• Since it was hard for me to say that, would you share what you picked up?

Make Presentations Zoom

If you are tired of boring, linear powerpoint presentations and want to explore new ways to present ideas, check out Prezi. This sample also has some creative ways to leverage Linked In. http://prezi.com/qilhbxt-xry3/using-linkedin-as-a-tool/

DISC and Crucial Cues

DISC is a great tool to understand communication, problem-solving, decision-making and work style preferences on teams. It's also incredibly helpful to increase awareness of how team members deal with tough conversations. When we are centered and neutral it's easier to have courageous dialogue in service to team goals. When we are not, our DISC preference can block the very conversation that is needed.

In "Crucial Conversations" by Patterson, Greeny, McMillan and Swtizler, the authors suggest that when stakes are high, opinions vary and emotions are strong, we have different coping mechanisms to stay safe. Here are some cues to look for as their research relates to DISC:

• D's (Driver/Dominance) may become more autocratic by controlling or masking as they fear loss of control. 
• I's (Influencer/Expressive) may push back by attacking or labeling as they fear rejection.
• S's (Steadiness/Amiable) may acquiesce by avoiding or withdrawing as they fear loss of stability. 
• C's (Conscientious/Analytical) may avoid by withdrawing or masking as they fear criticism.

Extroverted styles tend to be more assertive, louder or violent in their response to stress while introverted styles tend to be more passive, quiet or silent. Strive to understand your own preferences and those you work with to minimize self-protection and maximize performance!

For more on crucial conversations check out http://www.vitalsmarts.com/

New Year's Reflections

Mt. Sopris at Sunset

It's time to reflect! Ask the following questions from Vanity Fair's Proust Questionnaire. Invite the first response and let the answers reveal... 

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

What is your greatest fear?
What historical figure do you most identify with?
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
What is your greatest extravagance?
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
What is your greatest regret?
What or who is the love of your life?
When and where were you happiest?
What talent would you most like to have?
What is your current state of mind?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be?
What is your most treasured possession?
What is your favorite occupation?
What is your most marked characteristic?
What do you most value in your friends?
Who is your favorite hero in fiction? in real life?
How would you like to die?
What is your motto?

Positioning Your Niche

Great brands know themselves. Consider the difference between King Soopers and Whole Foods, Linked In and Facebook, Droid and IPhone, Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul, Haagen-Dazs and Dairy Queen or Donald Trump and Paul Hawken. Each person, product or company owns who it is by recognizing and sharing its unique place and function in the world. 

Whether you want a promotion or new assignment it is helpful to claim and communicate your niche so you can intentionally attract what is yours and repel what is not.

A niche is the specific way in which you add value in a given profession. It's about who you are and what you offer. Here are some questions to get you started: 

• What differentiates you?
• What is your specialty?
• What makes you good at your work?
• What is your style? 
• What is your expertise?
• What are you known for?
• What do people ask for your help with?
• What do employers/clients pay you for?
• Why do you exist?
• What makes you unique? 
• How do others describe you? (hip, traditional, necessary, innovative, affordable) 

Positioning statements articulate a niche in a compelling manner. Starbucks is "the third place" (the stop between home and work). TED (the online video site) is "the ultimate dinner conversation." Jen Spencer (life coach) is "your wing woman."

What's your line?