Mind "Full"?

Fulfilling the incessant, unrealistic and demanding expectations of a noisy mind is an exercise in futility and yet it is a common occupation for many of us. 

Michael Singer, in his book “The Untethered Soul” recommends that we shift our attention from reinforcing the model we've created about how the world should be to cleaning up our inner state. Instead of resisting, perseverating, believing, justifying or re-suppressing what rises to the surface of our consciousness, we can choose what to keep and what to let go of in each moment by:

1. Honoring and respecting reality through conscious self-talk. When we find ourselves complaining about a driver, for example, we can simple name what is going on and consider the bigger picture. “I like to drive 5 miles over the speed limit and you prefer 10 miles under, who am I to impose my will on you? How can we all get to work safely and peacefully?"
2. Training our mind with a mantra. Whenever we notice our consciousness dropping into a lowered state of fear, anger, anxiety, guilt or lack of self-worth where we seek to control, protect or comply, we can reset our consciousness to a higher state. Rely on an internal statement such as, "I can handle this. There is a peaceful solution here. I can be of service. or We are here to learn and grow."
3. Relaxing into our experience. As an unkind, critical, defensive or blame-based thought arises in your mind, let go of any resistance to it. Allow the person, place or situation to be what it is. Release the tension and a painful thought has nothing to hold it in place and can't be stored for later use. 

 “There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing you are not the voice of the mind, you are the one who hears it.”- Michael Singer

For more:

Tony Robbins & Michael Singer Video 7-minute  

Michael Singer E-Course

The Path of Realization

David Whyte, who brings poetry to corporations explores his experience of the "conversational nature of reality" in a recent Ted Talk.  

He lyrically asserts that what we desire of the world and what it desires of us will not happen as we would like because we tend to follow "three abiding manufactured illusions." 

If we believe that "we can somehow construct a life in which we are not vulnerable, will not have our hearts broken and can plan enough and arrange things to see our path from end to end" we are bound to miss the magic and the point. 

Yet as we are willing to meet ourselves and people, places and things  authentically, walk in presence fully grounded in our Being and in choice and release that which no longer serves, each step is revealed and we realize that we already are that which we seek.

Check out David's recent Ted Talk for more.

G.R.O.W. Your Capacity to Deliver Results

John Whitmore's GROW framework enables us to focus on what we are trying to accomplish and the context within which we are operating before determining a solution or strategy.

It helps mitigate common leadership traps such as:

• Trying to control outcomes or people
• Solving the wrong problem
• Going for decision speed over understanding
• Discussing being perceived as agreement
• Explaining, blaming or justifying low performance
• Ignoring, complying or protecting the emotional state of stakeholders
• Defaulting to limited solutions
• Focusing on the future without consideration of the past or present
• Wasting time second guessing decisions

Slow down to go fast and focus on what you can influence by clarifying 4 things:

G-Goal Seek clarity and alignment on the what and why

R-Reality Discuss and name context or what is going on (vs. what is wrong) including constraints, barriers, perceptions, experiences, environment, marketplace, what is working, what is not, etc. 

Do not go to O until you are clear and aligned on G and the stakes are lowered or acknowledged regarding the R. You may need to change the G.

O-Options Explore alternatives or the how based on G&R

W-Way Forward Identify the who, when, where and support needed

The more time you spend on G&R the better and faster the O&W. Try it to find out!

Thank you Amy for the resource.

Feed Forward instead of Back

Providing helpful feedback is a challenge for many leaders and teams. Why? We:

1. Limit it to a once a year annual review
2. Believe we will hurt someone's feelings 
3. Focus on the past vs. the future
4. Judge (what is wrong) instead of share an observation (what is)
5. Don't have feedback protocols or permissions in our team agreements
6. Discuss behavior only and miss impact
7. Muddle the communication for fear of reaction
8. Forget that we need others to help us see our blindspots 
9. Don't align feedback with desired results
10. Give one-way feedback instead of dialogue 
11. Wait too long to provide it

Feedback is a key practice on high-performing teams and not just from leader to team member. To address #3, shift your approach from feed "back" to feed "forward".  Instead of pointing out "what is wrong" (that often has a pinch of punishment energy to it) explore "what might be".  Instead of looking back at what can't be changed, look forward to what is possible.  

Try it for yourself with a direct report or colleague:

• Ask, "What is a behavior you would like to change or grow in? Why? And what difference would it make to goal achievement?"
• Brainstorm ideas and discuss solutions together 
• Invite him/her to select 2 ideas that most resonate to practice
• Discuss ways you can support

You may experience this as a generative, energizing experience and actually enjoy it. For more on FeedForward check out Marshall Goldsmith's research. Thanks to Liz for the discovery! 

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean in your leadership?

"A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them boil for twenty minutes. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft and mushy. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardened egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its deep flavor and inhaled its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin, outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I in my leadership? Am I the carrot that seems strong? But with pain and adversity, do I wilt and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid Spirit but, after adversity, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstance that brings the adversity, the pain, the hardship – into something quite wonderful. When the water gets hot, it releases its fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better, and change the situation around you for the better." --Author Unknown

Thank you to Clint for the resource!

Resilience

"More and more I have come to admire resilience," writes Jane Hirshfield in her poem "Optimism." Not the simple resistance of a pillow," she adds, "whose foam returns over and over to the same shape, but the sinuous tenacity of a tree: finding the light newly blocked on one side, it turns to another."

Where can you be more like a tree in your leadership?  How grounded are you? What are you reaching for? What is moving you?

Thanks to Rob Brezney for the resource Jane Hirshfield

Is Sitting Lethal?

Excessive sitting of 9 hours a day (which is more than most of us sleep) can be a lethal activity according to a Mayo Clinic Study. After 1 hour of unconscious sitting our metabolism slows down, the enzymes that burn fat decline, good cholesterol lowers, blood pressure elevates, the pancreas overproduces, backs tighten, joints shorten and the brain gets foggy.

If "sitting is the new smoking" what can we do, especially with the constant drive for output, innovation and agility in business today? Move and sit with greater awareness!

Experiment for yourself and notice the result:

• Walk stairs instead of taking elevators
• Stand up throughout a meeting (and don't harshly judge those that do)
• Walk around the block or campus for your 1:1's
• Run sprints or jump rope before an innovation or problem-solving session
• Breath more deeply and fully
• Stop and stretch every 90 minutes
• Sit up straight and ergonomically correct
• Meditate

Read Washington Post and HBR article for more. Thanks to Megan for the resource!

Re-Union

I was reminded of the value of human connection in a workshop with www.crrglobal.com. That we yearn for and deeply appreciate a sense of relatedness (especially at work) is profound.

So, we may miss the point in all our efforts to learn and apply communication, conversation and feedback skills. While important, what seems to matter most is the intention or attitude that we bring to our interactions with others.

If we say all the right things in the perfect order but miss the stance (or metaskill) of respect, inquiry, genuine curiosity, understanding or awareness, we miss giving (and receiving) the gift of our humanity and what springs from it.

To experience the tone or energy of connection for yourself, check out this 3 minute ad called Reunion.

Trust Consciousness

Trust is foundational to leadership and team performance. If you have "it" you can have more fun and get the job done. If you don't, you start over each time in every interaction. The first consideration in building trust is to understand your own trust consciousness. To what degree do you trust?

Is trust earned, given or never possible? Who do you trust and why? Who don't you trust and why not? What are your underlying beliefs, experiences, mindsets and assumptions about trust?

Next, consider if you are trustworthy by exploring two kinds of trust - Competence and Character.

1. Competence is about capability and results. Do you have the ability to do your job, deliver desired outcomes, address real issues, clarify expectations and take responsibility for mistakes?
2. Character is about integrity and intent. Do you do walk the talk, follow-through, talk straight, exhibit no hidden agendas, care, right wrongs and share credit for accomplishments?

Experiment with smart trust (vs. blind trust) where you listen to understand, keep commitments and extend trust and notice what difference it makes.

For more check out www.speedoftrust.com.

Tune In

Some people argue with the idea that 80% of communication is non-verbal. I wonder if it's because we define body language as what we can observe like rolling eyes, crossed arms, a smile or the disconnect between what someone says and does. What if it includes what we think too?

Our thought bubbles broadcast information. Like a key that beams an invisible code to unlock a car door, how we think is a signal that influences relationships and outcomes.

For example, if I think you are stupid and give you a compliment you will most likely receive a message of incompetence and wonder why you don't feel empowered in my presence. If I believe I am better than you my arrogance will probably diminish your willingness to collaborate and innovate. If however, I assume positive intent and respect you'll more likely tell me what's really going on (vs. what you think I want to hear). If I know you are creative and resourceful, you'll express your best and resolve problems more quickly.

Energy follows thought, so it behooves us to be more aware of what our minds are transmitting and the degree to which our thoughts are aligned with desired results.

Start by tuning into your own beliefs, assumptions, expectations, interpretations and stories and notice how they influence the results you are getting. Then consider the degree to which your thinking is aligned with what you really want.

What's your Center?

The Rise of the Guardians is an animated delight filled with inspiration. St. Nick, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, Jack Frost and the Tooth Fairy make a strong team because each has a role to play and contribution to make in service of the common good.

Part of leadership is knowing who you are and how you best add value. For example, at his core St. Nick is full of wonder. This wonder is central to his work.

Check out this 2 minute scene which invites you to ponder who you are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7ms4O6Ytc8

What were you born with? What is special inside of you? What do you put into the world? What is your center?

Tips for Moving Up

If you are wondering why you haven't been promoted or are proactively seeking a bigger leadership role, The Leadership Pipeline provides some common transition traps to anticipate and mitigate. Here are a few to get you started:

Manager of Managers

• Don't exhibit uncertainty or delay decisions. Learn to make choices that are directionally correct.
• Expand alliances outside comfort zone. Rely less on previous team members and friends. 
• Seek differing opinions and views. Value diversity.
• Hold direct reports accountable for leading and developing others. Inspire and feedback.
• Embrace new ideas. Explore new ways to achieve results.

Functional Leader

• Align function with enterprise. Move beyond tactical focus.
• Don't rely too much on expertise.  Develop broader knowledge and experience to drive innovation. 
• Build positive climate within the team. Focus on employee engagement.
• Trust others to do the work. Coach and mentor.
• Don't allow a few trusted colleagues to influence views and decisions. Expand your network and promote your "wins".
• Develop strong cross-functional working relationships. Invest time here.

Business Leader

• Balance and align regional/business leadership with enterprise. Focus on longer-term strategy.
• Understand all aspects of the business. Focus on how growth and profit will be achieved.
• Trust others. Make your thinking transparent and encourage others to do the same.
• Invest in people. Accurately assess and manage talent.

Leadership Effectiveness = Business Success

Leadership effectiveness is directly correlated to business success. Want to accelerate your impact? According to research by The Leadership Circle focus on the top three correlations to leadership effectiveness: 

1. Purposeful & Visionary- Live and work with a deep sense of meaning and stay focused on envisioned results even in the face of obstacles. 
2. Fostering Team Play- Create a positive climate that supports people doing their best.
3. Mentoring and Developing- Support the learning and career goals of your direct reports.

And, minimize the top three negative correlations by being less passive, distant or critical. Strive to:

• Advocate your ideas, be more decisive and address conflict gracefully
• Connect and truly care about your peers, colleagues and team members  
• Shift focus from "what is wrong?" to "what is going on?"

5 Ways to Well Being

Let's go for being well this year. According to research from the Center for Well Being at The New Economics Foundation "a small improvement in well being can help decrease mental health problems and enable people to flourish." The five ways to well being are:

1. Connect Greet people in the eye. Make time for family, friends and colleagues. 
2. Be Active Do something to get your heart rate up 30 minutes a day.
3. Take Notice Be curious. Catch sight of the beautiful. Be aware of the world around you. 
4. Keep Learning Try something new. Take a class. Add a new skill to your toolbox.
5. Give Do something nice for someone else. Thank someone. Smile. 

For more go to www.nationalaccountsofwellbeing.org  

Thanks to Michelle for the resource.

Formula for Change

Gleicher's Change Formula D X V X F  > R asserts, “Three factors must be present for meaningful change to take place. These factors are D= Dissatisfaction with how things are now. V= Vision of what is possible. F= First, concrete steps that can be taken towards the vision. 

If the product of these three factors is greater than R= Resistance, then change is possible. Because D, V, and F are multiplied if any one is absent or low, then it will be harder to overcome resistance to change."

To test it out consider a significant change that lasted on your team, in your leadership or with your organization.

• What was irritating you? What wasn't working anymore?
• What was your desired future state? What did success look like, sound like, feel like? How did the aspiration benefit all?
• What was first? What baby steps did you take physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? How was each action aligned with the dream?
• What did you notice about the creative tension between the dissatisfaction, desire and action and resistance as you progressed?

If the formula worked, apply what you learned in another category.