Mind "Full"?

Fulfilling the incessant, unrealistic and demanding expectations of a noisy mind is an exercise in futility and yet it is a common occupation for many of us. 

Michael Singer, in his book “The Untethered Soul” recommends that we shift our attention from reinforcing the model we've created about how the world should be to cleaning up our inner state. Instead of resisting, perseverating, believing, justifying or re-suppressing what rises to the surface of our consciousness, we can choose what to keep and what to let go of in each moment by:

1. Honoring and respecting reality through conscious self-talk. When we find ourselves complaining about a driver, for example, we can simple name what is going on and consider the bigger picture. “I like to drive 5 miles over the speed limit and you prefer 10 miles under, who am I to impose my will on you? How can we all get to work safely and peacefully?"
2. Training our mind with a mantra. Whenever we notice our consciousness dropping into a lowered state of fear, anger, anxiety, guilt or lack of self-worth where we seek to control, protect or comply, we can reset our consciousness to a higher state. Rely on an internal statement such as, "I can handle this. There is a peaceful solution here. I can be of service. or We are here to learn and grow."
3. Relaxing into our experience. As an unkind, critical, defensive or blame-based thought arises in your mind, let go of any resistance to it. Allow the person, place or situation to be what it is. Release the tension and a painful thought has nothing to hold it in place and can't be stored for later use. 

 “There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing you are not the voice of the mind, you are the one who hears it.”- Michael Singer

For more:

Tony Robbins & Michael Singer Video 7-minute  

Michael Singer E-Course

G.R.O.W. Your Capacity to Deliver Results

John Whitmore's GROW framework enables us to focus on what we are trying to accomplish and the context within which we are operating before determining a solution or strategy.

It helps mitigate common leadership traps such as:

• Trying to control outcomes or people
• Solving the wrong problem
• Going for decision speed over understanding
• Discussing being perceived as agreement
• Explaining, blaming or justifying low performance
• Ignoring, complying or protecting the emotional state of stakeholders
• Defaulting to limited solutions
• Focusing on the future without consideration of the past or present
• Wasting time second guessing decisions

Slow down to go fast and focus on what you can influence by clarifying 4 things:

G-Goal Seek clarity and alignment on the what and why

R-Reality Discuss and name context or what is going on (vs. what is wrong) including constraints, barriers, perceptions, experiences, environment, marketplace, what is working, what is not, etc. 

Do not go to O until you are clear and aligned on G and the stakes are lowered or acknowledged regarding the R. You may need to change the G.

O-Options Explore alternatives or the how based on G&R

W-Way Forward Identify the who, when, where and support needed

The more time you spend on G&R the better and faster the O&W. Try it to find out!

Thank you Amy for the resource.

Feed Forward instead of Back

Providing helpful feedback is a challenge for many leaders and teams. Why? We:

1. Limit it to a once a year annual review
2. Believe we will hurt someone's feelings 
3. Focus on the past vs. the future
4. Judge (what is wrong) instead of share an observation (what is)
5. Don't have feedback protocols or permissions in our team agreements
6. Discuss behavior only and miss impact
7. Muddle the communication for fear of reaction
8. Forget that we need others to help us see our blindspots 
9. Don't align feedback with desired results
10. Give one-way feedback instead of dialogue 
11. Wait too long to provide it

Feedback is a key practice on high-performing teams and not just from leader to team member. To address #3, shift your approach from feed "back" to feed "forward".  Instead of pointing out "what is wrong" (that often has a pinch of punishment energy to it) explore "what might be".  Instead of looking back at what can't be changed, look forward to what is possible.  

Try it for yourself with a direct report or colleague:

• Ask, "What is a behavior you would like to change or grow in? Why? And what difference would it make to goal achievement?"
• Brainstorm ideas and discuss solutions together 
• Invite him/her to select 2 ideas that most resonate to practice
• Discuss ways you can support

You may experience this as a generative, energizing experience and actually enjoy it. For more on FeedForward check out Marshall Goldsmith's research. Thanks to Liz for the discovery! 

Change Roles

Any change that is happens on a team seems to elicit a bell curve response. 20% will champion the cause and leap into the change effort with full engagement. 20% will challenge, resist or actively disengage. 60% will hang out with caution on an invisible fence waiting to see what happens or move back and forth between champions and challengers.

While all choices are valid and have wisdom (the champions are often energetic path finders, the challengers strong tradition holders and cautionary great road builders), it's interesting that leaders tend to focus most of their energy, attention and effort on the dissatisfied and wonder why change efforts fail or take so long.

If you want to inspire productive change (and keep your star players in the process) experiment with another strategy. Enable the champions to rock and roll. Identify ways to get the fence sitters moving from indifference to engagement. Set clear expectations and firewalls for the actively disengaged.

Address the key questions on everyone's mind - What is it? Why is it important? Can I do it? Do I want to? Include team members in the process and be clear what decisions they can and cannot influence. Then keep your attention on those willing to explore or move with the change.

Those who cannot adjust will become disturbers, leave or be fired. Once the majority is enrolled most of the rest will follow (by inspiration not fear)!

Touchy Feely?

Why must we continue using the words "touchy feely" to dismiss the very thing that can sustain desired results on a team?  These words are still used to describe leadership and team development efforts despite the findings that high emotional intelligence correlates to bigger salaries, innovation and sustainable business results. Strong working relationships actually reduce stress and improve productivity so why do we minimize the importance of human connection at work?

Is because we:

• Ignore or fear our own emotions?
• Enjoy zingers (humor at the expense of others)?
• Have experienced ineffective or poorly run team building events?
• Find it is easier to focus on tasks than people?
• Need a lot of personal space?
• Believe there is no place for emotions at work?
• Experience discomfort or embarrassment around people?
• Fear the reactions of others?
• Believe vulnerability is a weakness?

Make the time to explore your own thinking about human connection in the workplace and notice what beliefs, assumptions, stories or mindsets help or hinder your achievement. 

Coaching Pays Off

If you watched the US Open Tennis final my bet is you were in awe. I was rooting for Murray because he was close to the top but never quite there. He had the talent and drive but something was missing. Then he hired a new coach (Ivan Lendl) and it payed off. He won his first major!

It makes me wonder why in business we don't invest more in coaching. I've had a coach for years and without her I wouldn't be able to do the work I do in the way I do it (or have the life I have).

Is it because coaching in business seems less tangible?  Is it that the ROI isn't as obvious? Is the need for coaching perceived as a weakness or a "performance problem"? Is it because not all coaches are good? Is it scary to go for mastery? It seems to be the first thing cut when budgets tighten, yet is it the very thing that can build capacity and passion for work during tough times.

Leadership and team effectiveness have a direct correlation to business success. Whatever game you are playing, find a good coach. It will payoff if you are willing to practice!

If you need some inspiration, Click here for US Open Final Highlights 

Serving or Pleasing?

If you are high in complying strategies on The Leadership Circle Profile or spend a lot of time trying to please your boss, your colleagues or your customers to no avail, check out this 20 minute audio program http://www.box.com/shared/v08xbcyrsq by Steve Chandler, He distinguishes between serving (making a difference) and pleasing (winning people over).

Many think being of service means pleasing and so become martyrs or victims.

Mr. Chandler provides a great example of 2 types of vacuum salesmen from the good old days. One salesman shares all the features and benefits of a vacuum, has beautiful brochures and a soothing voice. He tries to be a friend and win people over. The other salesman dumps dirt on the carpet and cleans it up with the vacuum. He shows what the vacuum can do instead of promoting it. Guess who sells more vacuum cleaners?

Service is about focusing on others more than yourself (but not at the expense of yourself). Whether you are selling products, services or ideas it's a worthy distinction.

Thanks Danielle for the resource!