Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean in your leadership?

"A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them boil for twenty minutes. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft and mushy. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hardened egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its deep flavor and inhaled its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin, outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I in my leadership? Am I the carrot that seems strong? But with pain and adversity, do I wilt and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid Spirit but, after adversity, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water - the very circumstance that brings the adversity, the pain, the hardship – into something quite wonderful. When the water gets hot, it releases its fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better, and change the situation around you for the better." --Author Unknown

Thank you to Clint for the resource!

Resilience

"More and more I have come to admire resilience," writes Jane Hirshfield in her poem "Optimism." Not the simple resistance of a pillow," she adds, "whose foam returns over and over to the same shape, but the sinuous tenacity of a tree: finding the light newly blocked on one side, it turns to another."

Where can you be more like a tree in your leadership?  How grounded are you? What are you reaching for? What is moving you?

Thanks to Rob Brezney for the resource Jane Hirshfield

Thought for the Day

“Mindfulness at work is being kind and collaborative in our interactions, keeping mutual goals in mind, and also keeping in mind that everyone deserves to be happy.” 

- Lama Tenzin Dhonde

Change vs. Transition

The pace of change is accelerating. Doing more with less is the norm. Teams must learn to welcome change and work with constraints to deliver winning results. One of the key differences in successful companies is the ability to anticipate and execute team changes as quickly and efficiently as possible.

How can you remain competitive when team membership constantly changes, new leaders come and go, initiatives change daily, mergers are on the horizon, revenue pressures are persistent, etc. etc.?

Transition expert William Bridges states, "It isn't the changes that can do you in, it's the transitions. Change is not the same as transition. Change is situational: the new boss, the changing team members, the new policy, the new law, the layoff. Transition is the psychological process people go through to come to terms with the new situation. Change is external. Transition is internal" 

We tend to spend our time on what's next and miss the opportunity to close out the past consciously and address the 4 D's of an ending; Disengagement, Dis-identification, Disenchantment, and Disorientation. 

Next time your team is in the midst of a transition (large or small), start with these questions to move from an ending, to the neutral zone and your new beginning:

1. What is changing?
2. What will actually be different because of the change?
3. What are you going to lose (or believe you will lose)?

4. What do you need to grieve, resolve, thank or let go of to move into the neutral zone?

5. What do you believe is possible now?

DISC stressors and triggers

It is said that our greatest strength can be a blessing and a curse. At our best we are choosing the optimal strength for a given situation. Using DISC as a lens, we can apply direct, influencing, steady or conscientious action to achieve a desired result. During challenging times however, something changes in our inner world so a strength may express in an extreme or opposing manner.

When we are triggered by a situation, person or experience our emotional body is no longer being guided by our higher self and so we behave in seemingly confusing ways. Normal stress behaviors such as autocratic (for the D), attack (for the I), acquiesce (for the S) or avoid (for the C) don't provide the relief we seek and so we may apply a more dramatic strategy. We no longer care about our long-term desired result but are focused blindly on self-protection or preservation.

The D who is normally decisive and bold may move beyond the "normal" stress behavior of overbearing and exhibit the S's passive/aggressive tendency. The I who is wants to be involved may not attack but instead clam up like the C stressor tendency. The S who desires harmony may become agressive like the D under stress and the C who values respect and expertise may lash out like the I in stress. It seems that the stronger the trigger, the greater the opposing preference or reaction.

If we recognize that when we are triggered, we are actually in an altered or unconscious state (and in that moment are not able to recognize what is going on or what we really need) we can rely on awareness, understanding and humble pie to get back to center where answers are available and everything is possible.

Thanks to Lyndee for this insight!

Be Kind in Thought

Water crystals change from beautiful to distorted based on what is communicated with thoughts and words according to the work of Masaru Emoto. So what does our limiting self talk do to us and what could shift with a little appreciation?

"Be kind to yourself, and your mind will become kind as well. That's how it works." Adyashanti

What are you listening for?

Have you ever considered the purpose of your communication?

When you ask questions, is it to tell people what they want to hear, to debate or show how smart you are, to reflect back what you are hearing or to illuminate our knowingness?

And what are you listening for? Is it to be liked, to identify facts and differences, to understand the experience of another or to allow a deeper wisdom to reveal itself?

Notice the difference in your relationships and results when you download, debate, dialogue or delve deep. For more check out Otto Schwarmer's work at MIT.

Polarity Management

Competitive advantage requires polarity management. As leaders, we are constantly faced with figuring out ways to reconcile seemingly opposing forces. How do we get the #'s and care about people, think globally and act locally, lead and manage, achieve quality and reduce cost, be environmentally responsible and make money? As we are able to see polarities as "both/and" instead of "either/or" new strategies will arise.

According to Barry Johnson, "Polarities have 2 or more right answers that are interdependent." He also states, "because virtually all of our 'problems' in formal education have one right answer, we automatically shift into that way of thinking when a 'problem' occurs at work." When addressing a polarity this actually makes the issue worse because it can't be solved so it becomes a no-win proposition.

Polarity Management invites us to "capitalize on the inherent tension between seemingly opposing forces." We need both activity and rest, individuals and teams, introversion and extroversion, productivity and engagement, centralization and decentralization, masculine and feminine, safety and speed, inhalation and exhalation, stability and change, right brain and left brain to thrive. To focus on one polarity at the expense of another actually swings an invisible pendulum back and forth, back and forth, back and forth and so depletes energy, time and money.

To experiment with this concept go for a "figure eight" that is considers both sides:

1. Name an issue you are wrestling with. 
2. Why is it important to balance this polarity and what is the worry if you don't?
3. Identify the up and down side of each polarity.
4. List 2-3 actions to leverage the plus side of both and red flags to raise awareness when you are dipping into the negative of each.

Past, Present and Probable Future?

Found these 3 inquiries in Rob Brezsny's astrology quips and thought you'd have fun with them. Consider your life, your leadership or a relationship and ask:

1. What fossilized fixations, ancient insults, impossible dreams and parasitic ghosts am I ready to let go of?
2. What can I do to ensure that relaxed, amused acceptance will rule my encounters with the old ways forever after?
3. What will I do with all the energy I free up by releasing the dead weight I had been clinging to?

Mindset Intervention

Great article in the Times Who Gets to Graduate? citing that 40% of the students that get to college don't graduate and often those that do graduate come from affluent families. Why?

It's not about money but mindset. One finding from Laude and Yeager is that many students from less wealthy families interpret and internalize setbacks (poor grade on a test, argument with roommate, someone being mean, etc.) very differently than their counterparts. Plus when doubts about capability and belonging are reinforced at home, these students struggle even more.

Mindset interventions influence graduation rates and student well being. A mindset intervention doesn't necessarily change a core belief but it can change the meaning of a discouraging event from a permanent setback to a temporary one! It also builds resilience which is needed in any endeavor of merit.

Experiment with this idea. Think of a goal you are struggling with and ask:

What do I believe about my ability to fulfill my dream?

What skills do I need to succeed?

Who supports me as I pursue my new endeavor?

What self-talk is helping or hindering my progress?

How can I get my sense of humor back?

Do I need to eat some humble pie and move on?

What messages am I attending to?

What would I do if failure wasn't an option?

Staying Clean Amidst Change

Change can bring out our best or our worst. When we are leaving a position, struggling with a new leader, managing a conflict or wrestling with a decision beyond our influence, how do we do the right thing when we don't feel like it? When our emotions are triggered and all over the board, how can we stay integral, get our needs met and not "burn any bridges?" 

Staying clean means managing our own emotional reactions without burdening or slandering others. It is the height of emotional intelligence. 

To stay clean amidst change, experiment with these ideas:

• Whether you are right or not, interact with compassion
• Bring love versus malice 
• Name/claim what is going on for you without projecting it on others
• Seek to resolve creatively rather than reactively
• Define reality (including constraints) and make choices that benefit all 
• Manage your own emotional reactions productively and don’t collude with others about the situation 
• Focus on what you can influence
• Share what is going on with you so others don't take it personally
• Do your job well
• Avoid the tendency to gossip, complain, or defend
• Meet challenge from a neutral or centered place
• Name what you are feeling and seek to resolve without blame
• Focus on lessons learned instead of mistakes
• Don’t take sides or expect others to do so either
• Breathe deeply, pause

If you can look your adversary (or those involved) in the eye AND face yourself in the mirror, you are clear, clean and will sleep better too!

Mastering Constructive Interaction

If you want to advance your career or grow in your leadership, master constructive interaction. Our differences can become sources of conflict without understanding and appreciation. Work styles, values, culture, talents, goals, experiences, awareness levels, interests, purpose and viewpoints make us unique (and crazy at times).

How can we value diversity and collaborate (instead of protecting, fighting or accommodating) in the presence of discord? Experiment with the ideas below to transform the energy of conflict into stronger relationships and win-win outcomes: 

• Acknowledge conflict: Name it without making anyone wrong
• Reframe conflict: It is not "bad" but the old making way for the new
• Recognize conflict styles: Value cooperation and assertiveness with the Thomas-Kilman Conflict Mode Instrument 
• Articulate benefits: What is gained by working with others?
• Figure out what can you say yes to: Check out William Ury's The Power of a Positive No
• Be transparent with decisions: State if you are making a decision, making it with input from others, voting or going for consensus
• Be agile: Proactively assess what's working, what's not and what needs to change
• Practice direct communication: Say it straight without sugar coating or sandwiching (good, bad, good)
• Speak thought bubbles out loud: Articulate what you are making up before it turns into an elephant
• Stay centered: Check out Thomas Crum's The Magic of Conflict 
• Be curious: Choose fascination over judgment
• Build your EQ, SQ and TQ: Learn emotional, social and team system awareness and management skills: Check out Travis Bradley's Emotional Intelligence 2.0 
• Elevate the conversation: Discuss common vision and goals
• Check yourself: Is some part of you looking for a fight? Is your identity attached to something?
• Don't hide: Break out with the Question Behind the Question 
• Learn needs-based communication: Enable everyone to win with Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication 

Delight in Diversity

We have a bias to explore what we have in common with others. We tend to seek out those we can relate to. People who have similar life experiences, styles, interests and ways of thinking attract our attention. This is helpful and unifying but we miss something essential in the process.

High performing teams value diversity. They actually revel in difference. A strong team is a variety pack where all can share, contribute and express in their own unique way in service to a common purpose.

As we honor and appreciate our differences it is surprising what we can learn and how much fun we can have. Start by moving toward what repels you (with curiosity and respect) and notice what happens.

Cultivating Gratitude

If you want to cultivate appreciation as a leadership practice reflect on this 10-minute Ted Talk called Gratitude by time-lapse photographer Louie Schwartzberg.

Thanks Kath for the resource!

Re-Union

I was reminded of the value of human connection in a workshop with www.crrglobal.com. That we yearn for and deeply appreciate a sense of relatedness (especially at work) is profound.

So, we may miss the point in all our efforts to learn and apply communication, conversation and feedback skills. While important, what seems to matter most is the intention or attitude that we bring to our interactions with others.

If we say all the right things in the perfect order but miss the stance (or metaskill) of respect, inquiry, genuine curiosity, understanding or awareness, we miss giving (and receiving) the gift of our humanity and what springs from it.

To experience the tone or energy of connection for yourself, check out this 3 minute ad called Reunion.

Creative Self Check List

We spend a lot of time learning how to recognize and manage our reactive self (which is important and valuable), but what if we used as much energy getting to know and express our creative self?

If there is a part of us that knows everything and has access to what we need in every moment, how do we know it when we see it? Here is a check list to get you started from healer Candace Lienhart:

• Sense of humor
• Calm, centered, mindful, present (not emotionally charged)
• Open to a variety of solutions (vs being attached to one answer)
• Willing to look at what is going on (vs. focusing on what is wrong)
• Has information and reference materials
• Can call a friend for help
• Does no harm or damage
• Never “outclassed”
• Authentic- Not afraid to expose self
• Nothing to lose
• Knows the answer sits next to problem (if it is yours)
• Want to better his/her own best (vs. compete against others)
• No punishment or weapons
• Has information from the past but doesn’t live there
• Tells the truth
• Alive in each moment (Doesn’t know in advance- can’t plan)
• Has no place to fall
• Full protection- Safe place because connected to highest truth
• Neutral (vs. fear, anxiety, lack of self-worth, guilt, anger)
• Strives for the highest and best of all
• Knows there is room for everyone to be fabulous
• Suspends judgment and quick assessments

The best way to begin is to invite your highest self to the party by asking.

Change Roles

Any change that is happens on a team seems to elicit a bell curve response. 20% will champion the cause and leap into the change effort with full engagement. 20% will challenge, resist or actively disengage. 60% will hang out with caution on an invisible fence waiting to see what happens or move back and forth between champions and challengers.

While all choices are valid and have wisdom (the champions are often energetic path finders, the challengers strong tradition holders and cautionary great road builders), it's interesting that leaders tend to focus most of their energy, attention and effort on the dissatisfied and wonder why change efforts fail or take so long.

If you want to inspire productive change (and keep your star players in the process) experiment with another strategy. Enable the champions to rock and roll. Identify ways to get the fence sitters moving from indifference to engagement. Set clear expectations and firewalls for the actively disengaged.

Address the key questions on everyone's mind - What is it? Why is it important? Can I do it? Do I want to? Include team members in the process and be clear what decisions they can and cannot influence. Then keep your attention on those willing to explore or move with the change.

Those who cannot adjust will become disturbers, leave or be fired. Once the majority is enrolled most of the rest will follow (by inspiration not fear)!

Interruption Technique

What is the most time (and energy) consuming part of an interruption?

It is getting back to what we were doing when the interruption occurred. It can take up to 20 minutes per interruption to get back on track. Even if we find ways to minimize interruptions (and the frustration they can engender) questions still need to be answered.

Next time you get interrupted acknowledge the request. In person or on the phone you may calmly greet the person and say, "I'll be with you in a minute." If the interruption is via email or text pause before you read it.

Then, write down the next thing you are going to do on a post-it-note. NOT a bookmark of where you are, but document your next step, action or task.

Now give your attention to the question or person. When you are done, look at your post-it-note and your brain will bring you back into the work groove more quickly.

If this works, 4 well-managed interruptions a day could give you more than 1 hour a day back!

Balancing Act

Great leaders understand that one reality in business is paradox. They leverage the inherent creative tension between quality and cost, Wall Street and employee well-being, service and innovation. They find ways to generate revenue by building strong relationships. They know that between the past and future is the present (where the best solutions arise). They lead from heart but honor head and gut. They don't strive for work/life balance but alignment with what is (regardless of where they are). They resist the pull of fight or flight and unfold. It's is the ultimate balancing act!

Check out the videos of artist Michael Grab at work on www.gravityglue.com and ponder what needs more alignment in your leadership and where the sticking points are. If rocks can do it so can we.

Thanks Bill for the resource.

What's Your Job?

Most people respond to the question, “What is your job?” with a title or position description. According to Fred Kofman author of Conscious Business, “Your job isn’t what you do but the goal you pursue.” It's the difference between:

• Teaching or helping students learn
• Leading a team or bringing humanity back to the workplace
• Programming computers or enabling clients to get work done faster and better
• Driving a taxi or assisting people to get where they want to go
• Playing quarterback or helping a football team win
• Managing projects or improving patient care
• Delivering flowers or bringing a smile to others
• Running a company or making the world a better place

If your response gets to the essence of your real work it enlivens! Click here for more from Mr. Kofman.

Thanks Lyndee for resource.